Setting Goals...

Often I talk to parents who, like me, are challenged to motivate their children to perform various tasks ranging from homework to everyday chores. In my research on goal-setting, I have come across some enlightening discoveries made by clinical psychologists Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and Edward Deci regarding goal-setting and intrinsic motivation. What they have discovered is that when it comes to motivating your children, intrinsic motivation beats extrinsic motivation in most tasks hands down! So much for the carrot and stick approach, it seems to only be short-lived and is not as effective as having a deep-rooted desire to accomplish the task for their reasons.

Have you ever played a game of basketball or soccer without a goal? Or how about football without a goal? Not much fun is it? Well that is exactly what we are doing when we ask our children to do things without setting goals first. Discussing goals with your child and helping them set goals is akin to igniting the flame of internal motivation!

Begin the dialog with your children by asking some simple questions in what is often referred to as a goal-defining session. Make sure you have plenty of time to work through the following exercise, at least an hour. Have them sit down with a piece of paper and answer questions like the following. Encourage them to be as honest and open as possible and take as much time as needed to answer the questions about themselves.

What do I want out of life?

What do I most enjoy doing?

What gives me joy?

What do I value?

Who is someone I admire and what characteristics do they have?

If I could solve a world problem, what would it be?

What am I good at?

What makes me motivated?

Where do I see myself in 5 years, 10, 15, 50?

Where would I like to go?

After you and your child have discussed these questions, begin setting some ‘goldilocks’ goals, ones that are not too hard to accomplish, but will take some effort on their part. Also set a date that will not be too far off in the future that it might be forgotten, but give them a few weeks to show progress. Generally sixty to ninety days is a good mark to begin the process, and make sure that it is relevant to the ‘big picture’ based on the answers to the questions stated above. Lastly, a good time to carry-out this goal-setting session is not right after a long day of school or just before bedtime. It’s best to do this at the park or the library-somewhere away from home and all of its distractions, on a weekend.

Have a great attitude and so will your child! This will be a defining moment for you and your family! Have fun and share with me some of your results!